Last week the kids and I celebrated Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta's Feast Day. Born in 1910, she chose to dedicate her life to God at a young age and joined the Sisters of Loreto at 18 years old. Shortly after she began missionary work in Darjeeling, India. At age 36 she felt the call from God to help the poor in India and with a little medical training and littler support, she founded The Missionaries of Charity. The organization's purpose was to take care of "the hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, all those people who feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for throughout society..." Over time the organization was grown from 13 members to over 4000 nuns all over the world.
While I was researching her life a bit, I came across an article about the article Time magazine wrote about her when her personal letters to her advisors and confessors were published. I had heard some time ago that Mother Teresa had only really felt God calling her to serve and care for the poor for a very short period of time - like five weeks or something - and the rest of the time she lived hoping she was still in His will but felt or heard nothing to confirm it. As these letters read, she lived in spiritual loneliness, seeking God and hearing nothing, feeling empty. Some people, after reading this, accused her of hypocrisy. I stopped reading the article. I was angry and discouraged and frankly, a little sickened that someone would slander her with accusations of hypocrisy.
I spent some time taking with Keith about it all and one became clear. We love, LOVE, to make saints out of people. We put them up on their pedestal for the good things they do and praise them for it. We are really good at encouraging our brothers and sisters with our words of affirmation. I'm sure Mother Teresa heard no end of the accolades. Being radical and sacrificial in your faith will earn you a first-rate seat on a pedestal. It looks great from below - posh even. But up there it is lonely. So often, the church falls into the trap of flattery at best, idolatry at worst.
Each time Keith and I were asked to talk about living at Matthew House we would try to stress the idea that we were regular people. We understood that we could help inspire others to try take more chances in their faith but a lot of the time I felt like we were just widening the gap between the us and the them. Of course, I know all of the encouragement we received was well-intentioned. I think there is a part of each of us, though, that ironically feels that praising the example of others exempts us from getting involved ourselves. If we looked a bit harder at the people doing the work we would realize they are just like us, and perhaps it is only ordinary people who are able to carry out extraordinary work.
One of the reasons Keith and I chose to live at Matthew House with two small kids was to show others it could be done. It was messy and logistically challenging and some days we hid in our room. On those days it wasn't a word of encouragement from an outsider that helped. It was a one volunteer watching the kids while Jan took me out and bought me a cupcake. It was practical. It was people coming alongside and sharing the load - offering not just a word but an understanding of what it is like to be you. It was community.
I wonder what kind of replies Mother Teresa got from her superiors. I wonder if they were lofty words of encouragement or if they were sincere, humble acknowledgements of the struggle that is believing in an unseen God. I wonder if the church contributed to her loneliness by placing her and her work so far above ourselves - so out of reach. I wonder if she would have been betters served if the church viewed dedicating your life to the cause of the poor, the sick, the hungry, the orphan and widow as normal lifestyle choices for followers of Jesus. I wonder if winning the Nobel Peace Prize was the loneliest day of her life.
It was surprised to feel better after hashing this out. I felt better because I realized Mother Teresa was human. She was broken too. She had strengths and weaknesses, insecurities and flaws and redeeming qualities just like the rest of us. I realized that I too, had idolized her to an extent and was disillusioned by the article I read more than I was discouraged. I could even relate in a small way to her in her spiritual loneliness. I too felt God fully at work as we prepared to move to Matthew House. I also felt silence from Him while we were there. I'm still reflecting on that point. How interesting that once the real work has begun, God may be silent, perhaps waiting for His church to be His hands, His voice, His comfort.
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