The Art of Planning

Spring can be a wonderfully busy time of year.  I love how a bit of warm air can refresh us after the long freeze of winter.  With so much feeling new, Keith and I have been looking ahead to what is coming up.  We have realized that we've reached the stage in our lives where "If you don't plan for it, it won't happen." (to quote my mother).  And this sage advice has led us to a lot of decisions, both big and small.

We've begun to be more intentional about "date nights".  Keith is mildly addicted to Groupon and other deal websites.  Now that we have already spent the money, we much more motivated to go out to play pool or go bowling with the kids!

Secondly, I'm hoping to try my hand at gardening in the community plots here at Matthew House.  I have loved reading blogs with the gorgeous pictures of kids with muddy hands from helping plant seeds and make those adorable soil blocks.  We don't have room to start our seeds indoors but I'm hopeful to start some peas and lettuce in May.  We have a great volunteer here who will be guiding me through my first year as a vegetable gardener.

On a much larger scale, we've begun to look for a more permanent housing situation since our time living here at Matthew House is limited. This world of home-buying is scary and wildly expensive but so very exciting.  Lawyers and pre-approvals and neighbourhoods...oh my.

And then there's that whole issue of planning another baby.  hmm.

So many plans, long and short term.  Not to mention those Christmas gifts for 2011, planned back at the end of 2010...those family vacations to save for, visits to see friends and family.  It can be hard to stay "in the now" with all of these ideas whirling in my head.  It is a wonderful thing to find myself content here, that these plans are not ones I feel will "make things right".

It is a rare opportunity Keith and I and our kids have been afforded.  Not too many people get to live in a place like Matthew House - To take up the challenge of serving others outside of your family each day.  To give people a home during a scary transition in their lives.  It is a rewarding time, this.

And so we put our "oceans of dreams within eggshells*".  We plan in pencil, we enjoy today.

*a small line from a poem by Kate Ndlovu.

Febrrrrruary

So many things already in this shortest and hardest month.  Small triumphs, epic fails, sickness, a new resident,  sleep-deprived nights, big birthdays, overdue talks with faraway friends, and frigid temperatures.

This has been a tough month so far. It has been cold and the kids and I have been sick - a lot.  I've been missing my family and my oldest friends (not old in years, of course).  My friend, Jan, told me February is the hardest month for parenting and given my experience and that she has 7 kids, I believe her.

But despite the challenges, I am glad to see the small steps forward in the sea of used kleenex, the continuous coughing and whining, and empty bottles of infant and adult tylenol. I am proud of my husband for all of the slack he's picked up and never complained about despite it's toll.  I'm thankful for the healing of tiny bodies.  I am grateful for volunteers who remember what it was like to have small kids in the Winter months.  I was happy to celebrate my 30th birthday this month.  I felt I parented well through one of the worst days I've had - and that was no small victory :).  I got back to some homeschooling with Isaiah.  I found out Lucy likes raw red peppers. I got a great new haircut at a real salon. I received some beautiful birthday presents (like this one from Jasmine) I have gift certificates for yarn and books and coffee.  Really, the rest of this month may not be too bad.

Sometimes...

Sometimes when read blogs written by mamas who inspire me with their family values, projects, and parenting style, I get a bit jealous.  I feel restless for a place of our own.  I want space to parent without being within earshot of folks who have grown up in a place with different cultural parenting norms.  Sometimes I get restless for painting my kids' bedroom a colour that matches the mama-made quilts on their beds.  Sometimes I miss turning the music up really loud.  Sometimes I miss letting the kids dictate the pace or tasks of the day.  Sometimes I feel I don't have the opportunity to teach the kids about some of the things we value - like art and literature, creating things and giving them away.

But then I remember that we are living an opportunity to teach them about some of the other things we value - like having compassion for people, like being a team and trying to help each other when things are difficult, or frustrating, or confusing, like making do with less, and learning from others, and hopefully, doing all of these things to the glory of God.  It's hard to put things on the 'back burner' sometimes.  But when I look at what's cooking - well - I think it's worth it.

Special thanks to the Greynam Court, formerly know as State Street, formerly know as Viewmount Drive Home Church for the gift certificate for the two-night stay downtown.  Keith, the kids and I had a wonderful family getaway this past weekend.

For the Small Things...

Last Tuesday, Matthew House welcomed three new freezing Namibian residents through our doors.  Consequently, life here has gone from a brisk but manageable pace in caring for our first resident, getting ready for Christmas and the upcoming family wedding, training volunteers, cooking meals and most importantly caring for the one larger and two smaller Dows - to the sprint we're running now.  I woke up feeling grumpy and strained, but SouleMama's post today helped me find some perspective and the "letting go" that needs to happen in order to enjoy the day.  It's like when a ship is in a storm and they can try to fight it or they let go of the sails and run with the storm.  So, in this season where we find ourselves extra busy, I'm thankful for these small and not so small things...

• Pingu and toddler babble from the other room
• Amazing volunteers 
• Babies soon-to-be here!
• Namibian first-snow-experiences
• craft nights with lovely ladies and my wee man
• a coffee cup that doesn't judge me for refilling it three times today
• the husband who helps to hold me together :)

Journeying

So, I haven't written much about life at Matthew House yet and I think it is part due to the constant learning and flux that has filled our time here thus far.  I'm coming to realize, however, that this is unlikely to change so I might as well start to document it. :)

We are still awaiting our insurance papers and so remain resident-less. This leaves us in the somewhat awkward position of having a very large home, two children, a lot of things that don't belong to us, and multiple well-known but not-yet-familiar volunteers who come by to help us.  The awkward part is in the helping.  You see, since we don't have others living here and have only had a few "events", the sticky juice spots they scrub off the kitchen floor, the pantry whose contents are falling out they are organizing, the cereal they are vacuuming off of the carpet is largely the mess of my family.  It is a difficult thing to let other people, particularly those you respect and would love to impress, see the underbelly of your life.  I have but a few friends I would feel comfortable letting see the toilet before I've scrubbed it.

I feel like I have been learning this same lesson of community-living for a few years.  When Isaiah was born, it was the first time I really couldn't do things - like vacuum or lift the laundry basket, for six weeks.  When my friend, Diana, would come over, she would do the dishes.  Sometimes she'd wait until I went into the bathroom to start so we could avoid the "No, no, please sit down."  "I don't mind doing them, really." conversation.  It was the first time I had to learn how to let others help me.  When you think about it, our parents have invested a great deal of time training us up to be independent, to do things for ourselves.  We don't know how to ask for help and we feel we're imposing when we do.  This is one of the lessons of living in community - letting others help.  And it is a hard lesson.  It is not easy to let others into the minutia of your life - but evenso, I think the rewards will outstrip the inconvenience by far.

Isaiah playing with his cars by flashlight under our bed


And so, I'm going to let Kim clean out and organize the cleaning supplies closet that I've been meaning to get to for a month, and I'm going to work on my own to-do list and remind myself that this, Matthew House as well as life, is a team effort.